LOST IN MOTHERHOOD

There is no possible way to prepare for motherhood and what I have found is that it is different for everyone. All babies are different, all moms are different, but the thing that I have found to be very common and doesn’t get talked about often is how you can be so lost in it. Once that baby is born, your entire world changes in an instant and life is now filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, all co-existing at the same time and each season brings upon different yet amazing moments as well as challenges.

I remember having my first baby and being told how easy babies are compared to toddlers but having a baby was HARD. It’s all new and you have this little life to take care of, not to mention the exhaustion and the need to still take care of yourself in your new role. Now that I have toddlers, I completely understand what I was being told but guess what? It’s still HARD, just a different kind of hard and I think that’s how it is with children. Each stage is a new kind of hard and that’s okay and to be expected. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother.

For me, I would say I was definitely “lost in motherhood” and still am at times. Becoming a mother, you do lose a sense of your old self. You become this new you and it’s a lot to figure out. It’s challenging to feel like you need to take care of everyone and everything all of the time, juggling housework and actual work and relationships. Sometimes I feel like I live two different lives. Becoming a mother during Covid probably didn’t help. I kept my distance. I didn’t bring my kids around my friends and extended family members and even now I’d much rather spend time with friends without my kids, that way I can fully be present with them and catch-up on their lives but then I feel they don’t really know my kids and that makes me sad. It’s hard. The balance is incredibly challenging.

I’m writing this to let you know that you’re not alone if you’re feeling lost in motherhood too. I pray that with time, we’ll figure it out. That as our babies continue to grow, we’ll grow too. That we’ll find ourselves again and learn to understand and love our new selves.